Dreaming

I spend my days searching for beautiful shoes that I can wear on my wedding day such as these:

Or these

Or these:

I would even give into my mom about the whole blue shoe thing if I could have these:

Unfortunately we don't have 700+ extra dollars in the budget for these pretty shoes, so these may have to remain a dream

I think this is a perfect opportunity to include a sad smiley face :(

The Things I have Learned While Planning my Wedding....

1. EVERYONE has an opinion. They all think that their opinion is the best and they will share it whether you ask them to or not. Then you get this blank stare like you were expected to bow at their feet and thank them endlessly for this information that you could not have possibly lived without.

2. Because of the above, the first thing you should learn to do is convincingly nod and smile while tuning people out

3. Weddings, in some aspects, are like funerals (morbid, I know) and they will cause family drama.

4. Simple things are really complicated for some people. Unfortunate, but true

5. The words "why didn't I elope" will run through your mind at least once a month.

6. Planning a BIG, princess, Cinderella wedding is not nearly as much fun as you imagined it to be when you were 6

7. You can waste an entire day looking at pretty bride and bridesmaid dresses and have no clue what happened

8. The above is very dangerous when trying to complete an University degree.

9. Photographers are annoying

10. Bridesmaids are awesome (I'm not just saying that because my bridesmaids read this. They really are awesome. I recommend having as many as you can find)

11. There will NEVER be enough money

12. Long engagements? Over rated

I think that's it for now. Due to some unexpected wedding drama last night, I'm a little annoyed. This made me feel better.

Changes

It's been a while since I last posted, and a lot has happened.

I have determined that this is the year of changes, and I hate change. I think it upsets my OCD because it honestly makes me a little panicky. I have a set schedule and system, that I happen to like and I'm not really a fan of messing with it.

Even so change is inevitable and this year seems to be my year.

The first change is my upcoming graduation. I can't believe that in April I will be officially done school. As exciting as this is, its a little scary. I have never been completely done school. I have taken years off, but always with the knowledge that I'm going back. This time I don't have that option. I have completed four years of a university program and if that can't get me a full time job then so be it.

This leads me to the other big change of recent. I have worked at my current part time job for almost 8 years. This means that I am not even close to prepared to start searching for a new job. I have no resume, no cover letter, no interview experience. Nothing. On top of this, my current boss and I have gotten to the point where we literally have no relationship. I don't talk to her, she doesn't talk to me and when we do talk it almost always leads to some kind of an altercation. It had gotten so bad after Christmas that I was maybe getting 4 hours a week and they were almost always a closing shift. It all came down to me being extremely unhappy and dissatisfied with the situation that I was in. My mother runs her own bookkeeping business, so I started working with her, around my other schedule, in an attempt to keep up my hours.

Obviously this didn't work. Working two jobs and going to school full time was making me even less happy then I was before. What this all leads to is that on Tuesday morning I officially quit my job. The Saturday before I sat down with my parents and explained to them that working shift work and trying to search for a job and arrange interviews around my schedule was just not possible. Since my dad is going back to work in about a month, my mom has a lot more work to offer me so she gave me the go ahead to quit my job and work for her, while searching for a full time job in my field.

As excited as I am to get out of a bad situation, it's also a little sad. I've tried explaining it to C that it's like losing your childhood security blanket. As much as I bitched and complained about the place, I knew that it would always be there. On top of that, I have met so many awesome people that I can't imagine not working with and who I am going to miss terribly.

On the other side I have this huge feeling of freedom. For the first time since I was 16, I'm going to have nights and weekends off, without asking for them.

I guess change is not only inevitable, but occasionally a good thing.